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Forum Index : Other Stuff : Coronavirus humour (please add)

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zeitfest
Senior Member

Joined: 31/07/2019
Location: Australia
Posts: 103
Posted: 08:57am 13 Mar 2020
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If you get the coronavirus    you will probably wanting some good movies
to watch as you wait through the two weeks self-isolation  

Thankfully the everlasting James Bond franchise - now spanning over sixty years - is recycling the epic themes.

So you may be expecting the classics to identify with...eg

You Only Live Twice
Diamonds are Forever,
Goldfinger,
Thunderball,
The Man with the Golden Gun.

HA !

Try

You Only Cough Twice
Viruses are Forever
Coldfinger (or Greenish-Yellowfinger)
Chunderball
The Man with the Golden Staph

sob !!  

ed - then again, just watch the stock markets for a laugh !!
Edited 2020-03-13 20:32 by zeitfest
 
CaptainBoing

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Joined: 07/09/2016
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 1225
Posted: 12:26pm 13 Mar 2020
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Tim_the_bloke

Regular Member

Joined: 15/11/2009
Location: Australia
Posts: 100
Posted: 12:46am 14 Mar 2020
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Fact:
There is little point worrying about catching Coronavirus, once you have it.
Fact:
No matter how bad things get, things can always get worse.
Fact:
No matter how bad things get, I can make things worse.
Fact:
We are all going to die.
Fact:
You will not test positive for Coronavirus if you don't get tested.
 
Davo99
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Joined: 03/06/2019
Location: Australia
Posts: 487
Posted: 11:58pm 15 Mar 2020
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I thought it was all bit of a joke/ Typical media beat up.
Now i'm far from so sure.

I believe a lot in the adages of Money talks and follow the money. The whole green cause is a profit maker based on a noble cause as an excuse and is ALL about money.

The only thing I see with so many things being closed down and Loosing Millions of dollars due to corona virus is this flys dead against the usual excuses for making profit. Promoters/ Big biz/ industries don't close down, cancel and make HUGE losses without reason.  

I think the only money in it is they may be worried about being sued if people go to events and catch something but that is a concern that they are so worried about that in themselves.  I don't for a second buy the BS about " we are concerned for our Fans/ guests/ patrons for a second. They are concerned about money and when they think the risk of loosing  it is so high they will forgo millions on the front side.....

That does worry me.
 
Revlac

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Joined: 31/12/2016
Location: Australia
Posts: 342
Posted: 08:31am 17 Mar 2020
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I was not happy going to the shop to find empty shelves.
There is a few bits of humour on the subject when browsing through thingverse,    
 "CoronaVirus and Toilet Paper" There are many others, I guess it keeps the 3D printers working...printing signs.
Cheers Aaron
Off The Grid
 
CaptainBoing

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Joined: 07/09/2016
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 1225
Posted: 09:25am 17 Mar 2020
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CaptainBoing

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Joined: 07/09/2016
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 1225
Posted: 09:26am 17 Mar 2020
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bit edgy this one, but what the heck? it can only get taken down... unlessssss....


 
CaptainBoing

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Location: United Kingdom
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Posted: 09:28am 17 Mar 2020
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zeitfest
Senior Member

Joined: 31/07/2019
Location: Australia
Posts: 103
Posted: 11:25am 17 Mar 2020
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OMG !!!

A DINGO'S GOT MY TOILET PAPER !!!!
 
CaptainBoing

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Joined: 07/09/2016
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 1225
Posted: 11:47am 17 Mar 2020
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Warmed my heart this one... just coz you are under lockdown doesn't mean you can't have a good time... Go Sicilians!

https://www.liveleak.com/view?t=aqeyi_1584135888
 
Davo99
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Joined: 03/06/2019
Location: Australia
Posts: 487
Posted: 03:55pm 18 Mar 2020
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This is the funniest thing I have seen in a while and sums up the current sentiment pretty will I think.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mokAiV7-d5Q
 
Grogster

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Joined: 31/12/2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 7195
Posted: 08:21am 20 Mar 2020
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Well, COVID19 is here in my home town now, so that is delightful.  

Our PM(Jacinda Ardern) has now hard-closed the border to ANY international travel, and I totally agree with that move.  It has NOTHING to do with racism, so all you people screaming that, can just bug-off.  COVID19 does not care about your feelings.

From what I understand, Australia has also now hard-closed the border to all international travel.  Good.  You fellas over there.......I hope you can get it under control.  

I have not seen anything like this in MY lifetime, although, I must state that many of my older chums remember the Swine Flu etc, so perhaps there is hope yet.

Open-borders were a BIG reason for the global spread.  I never believed or supported the open-border policies.  Italy is being HAMMERED by COVID19 cos of that.  I hope they can recover.  

I am A LITTLE drunk tonight, cos the damn virus is now in my home town, so I am starting to freak-out a bit, but I am also trying to control things via the inner-scientist/technician in me.

Still, disturbing times.  

OK!

Having said all the negative stuff, how about a really funny video to make everyone reading my insane post feel better:

No Bog Rolls....

I was sent this by a chum.  I don't have Twitter.
But this made me crack up laughing!

We NEED comedy more then ever these daze.......  
Smoke makes things work. When the smoke gets out, it stops!
 
CaptainBoing

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Joined: 07/09/2016
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 1225
Posted: 08:52am 20 Mar 2020
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not racist to lock your doors is it? This is just scaled up a bit.

Agree with all of that. The problem is the Chinese government - they have dropped the ball on this with their obsessive "saving face" attempts when you consider they had a reasonable outbreak of this in October/November last year and all they did was arrest anyone who talked about it.

It sickens me to see this idiotic xenophobia shown to Chinese people simply because they are Chinese - and I saw it at a supermarket this week - people making a big show of obviously holding their breath as they walked by a chinese couple. Quite upsetting, they know what you are doing. That said, please stop eating crap!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w7sOOzHKkpw
https://www.thesun.co.uk/news/11203749/man-bites-head-live-frog-eats-insides-china-coronavirus/

none of that says "yummy" to me...
Edited 2020-03-20 18:56 by CaptainBoing
 
Grogster

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Joined: 31/12/2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 7195
Posted: 09:03am 20 Mar 2020
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Oh, TOTALLY agree.  I don't blame ANY Chinese for this, more perhaps their Government.
I know many Chinese people, and they are awesome.
And I really love their chow(food)!!!!  
Never understood why those in 'Panic mode' would take it out on those that happened to come from that country.  I SERIOUSLY doubt that millions of Chinese people would have wanted this crap to happen.....

However, BEFORE this proverbial excrement hit the proverbial fan, "Lock your doors" WAS considered racist.

It's all insane.  

How are you doin' over there in UK?
I hope all the UK members here on TBS are safe and happy.  

@ Gizmo - I apologise if anything I post tonight has breached the rules.  I am a little freaked out by all this, as I expect.....are many other members.  Still, I will try my best to adhere to the forums rules.
Smoke makes things work. When the smoke gets out, it stops!
 
Davo99
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Joined: 03/06/2019
Location: Australia
Posts: 487
Posted: 09:22am 20 Mar 2020
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Agree wuth everything you say Grogster.

Can't say any more because I still don't really understand what constitutes " Political" these days and don't want to cross any lines.

I do wonder where this is going to go though.
I blame the media for a lot of the Hysteria.  My wife troubles me by watching one of these idiotic morning breakfast shows.  Got up yesterday and I could hear this commotion on the TV. I wondered if war had broken out? Went in and had a look and they are doing live crosses to different cities and the reporters are hysterical. Literally yelling into the microphones as if they were being shot at while they are just standing in the quiet early morning streets.
Same again today. I said tto the Mrs, this is disgusting and these fktards are the o0nes responsible for all this stripping of supermarket shelves and people buying 6 months supply of food.

Then we have the PM saying don't panic buy, stop it. Well is it any wonder people are sh*t scared with the way this is being beat up? Typical media. I detest the whole low down filthy lying corrupt industry.
Trust them to make a bad situation like the end of the world and milk it for all it's worth. They survive on despair and anguish and bad news which they make seem worse.
I'd love to see the whole worldwide industry brought to an end and new rules brought in to make them tell the truth and only the truth whatever it is.

If things get really bad we have plenty of water in tanks and will have plenty of generator and solar power.  Enough fuel for the genny for 6 Months. Have the solar water heater boards so will have hot showers as well :0)
Food? Well that depends on a lot of things.  Normally keep a good 2-3 weeks supply but also shop every few days for milk and bread and perishables.

I agree never seen anything like it but I wonder if it will be the start of more things like this? Hopefully lessons will be learnt but there are always many that never are and the same mistakes made again.

I think this is either going to be a devastating thing or it will be a storm in a tea cup, one or the other but probably no middle ground.
 
Grogster

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Joined: 31/12/2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 7195
Posted: 09:29am 20 Mar 2020
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Oh, God, I can't stand the media......
I'd never believe anything they say, cos they only care about the clicks.

It didn't used to be that way, but it is now.
They simply don't care about right or wrong, truth or otherwise....CLICKS, MAN!!!!

I have not bothered to watch the daily news on TV now in years.
Smoke makes things work. When the smoke gets out, it stops!
 
Davo99
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Joined: 03/06/2019
Location: Australia
Posts: 487
Posted: 11:51am 20 Mar 2020
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I started my working life in the media.
Had pictures Published on the front page of the biggest daily in the country when I was 15 and still at school for an event I took time off to cover.  Editor of the paper had no idea his new freelance shooter was a 15Yo Kid.

I wasn't in it long after I left school before I realised what a complete and utter crock it was even back then 40 Odd years ago.  I covered events where the death toll was clearly given at press conferences and the papers blew them out straight away to numbers that never ever eventuated. It was a ghoulish thing to wait around scenes of tradgety like a parasite feeding on grief and disaster and tyr and make it look as heart wrenching as possible. The invasion in peoples privacy at the worst time of their lives got to me.

They have taken it to a whole new level now.
I swear, If some POS reporter ever sticks  a microphone in my face when I had lost someone dear or some other disaster had befallen me and said " How do you feel?" I would loose my ship and set about killing them as a message to all the other low life vultures out there.

The BS and the the elitism soon had me doing other things. The media really do think their proverbial don't stink and the public are complete and utter morons... and they largely are after everything the media has put over them.
It has nothing to do with news, it's simply entertainment and the more sensationalist they can make it, the better. As you say, the truth is completely and utterly irrelevant.

I only watch the news ( or TV in the main) when I visit my father and he has it on.
To say something political, I can't believe what an insult to a persons intelligence politics is and the complete and utter garbage the media has become that fosters it.

People really are dumbed down to frightening levels and that's coming from someone who thinks they are pretty much at the bottom of the intelligence ladder anyway. When there are so many people less intelligent and more gullible than I am, that's a REAL concern.

My wife was just telling me she ordered the TVs turned off at her workplace in the waiting areas today which the staff were transfixed on the 5 minute updates and fearmongering. She gave her boss an ultimatum when he wanted them left on. She said she has 3 staff members having anxiety attacks over what they are seeing and going into melt down.  She said it's bad enough what they see at home and hear on the radio coming into work, she doesn't need them made more hysterical through the day.

She is pretty tough and no nonsense when things need to be done and has a lot more balls than most of the blokes there. A number of them are going on like big pussys about this too.

She has also asked the IT department to block news sites the same as they have face waste and other sites that have no place in their work.  
She said this hasn't even hit yet and so many of her staff are going into melt down, and it's all because of the media and their flogging it to death.

I hope it really goes through the whole media industry. They are nothing but a detriment to society these days and serve NO useful purpose despite their self Opinionated importance and grandstanding.
 
Grogster

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Joined: 31/12/2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 7195
Posted: 11:50pm 20 Mar 2020
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Yeah, the mass-media are like adding petrol on an already blazing fire.

I WILL admit to watching NZ's daily updates at 1PM, but I watch them on the computer, not the TV.

A sort-of funny thing happened the other day - I came home about 6pm(our news time), and thought 'Why not?' - flicked on the TV, and it died!  

It now won't power up, so I took that as a sign that I was not supposed to be watching that rubbish anyway!  

Panic buying of toilet-paper is something I simply CANNOT understand.  
The virus does not attack your bum, so stock-piling toilet paper is ultimately pointless in the extreme.

I mean, you can't eat toilet paper.  If you stock anything at all, it should be cans of non-perishable food and some water, JUST IN CASE the supply-chain breaks.

Ironically, it is those very same nutters that panic buy stuff, that are the VERY CAUSE of a potential supply-chain collapse.  If they just exercised some calm and did not panic-buy, there would be enough for everyone.  

As an example, here is a photo I took the other day of my local supermarket's toilet-paper isle:




This is just pure insanity, and I have NO DOUBT AT ALL, that it is the news inflating this kind of idea as something the viewers should be doing.  

"Oh great!  Toilet-paper-pie for tea!  We have not had that for AGES!!!!"......
Smoke makes things work. When the smoke gets out, it stops!
 
noneyabussiness
Senior Member

Joined: 31/07/2017
Location: Australia
Posts: 262
Posted: 01:58am 21 Mar 2020
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Just to add to this BS, about 14 years ago my eldest boy set fire to our house ( he was 1 and managed to get a " child proof " lighter to work) gutted the house.. i was away at the time, but a vulture turned up and was interfering even with the paramedics helping my wife, who had smoke inhalation... asking her questions etc. . My father in law told him to piss off or he will remove him with force.. the coppers who finally turned up, ushered him out after the threat and only after.. my father in law had asked them to make him leave as he was making the situation worse by interfering. But he STILL yakked to the coppers out the front of the property for a good half hour before leaving...

To end a long story, 5 papers reported on the fire, and the only thing that was actually true was the fact that there was a house fire.. the B.S. included was funny, if it wasn't hurtful... so as my Nanna used to always say " believe none of what you hear and only half of what you see "..
I think it works !!
 
Warpspeed
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Joined: 09/08/2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 3254
Posted: 03:13am 21 Mar 2020
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I have been watching this panic buying, quite interesting actually.

People are freaking out and hoarding tons of stuff. There is no actual shortage of delivery, its just disappearing off the shelves really fast.

Now perishable things that have a short use by date such as bread, milk, fresh fruit and vegetables, eggs and fresh meat, are still there to be bought.

If I can still buy the fresh stuff that nobody is going to be able to hoard, as seems to be the case, mass starvation not going to happen.
Cheers, Tony.
 
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