 Notice. New forum software under development. It's going to miss a few functions and look a bit ugly for a while, but I'm working on it full time now as the old forum was too unstable. Couple days, all good. If you notice any issues, please contact me. |
Forum Index : Off topic archive. : Paraprosdokian sentences
| Author | Message | ||||
Gizmo Admin Group  Joined: 05/06/2004 Location: AustraliaPosts: 5116 |
A friend sent these to me, and I thought I would share them with the forum. 
Ø I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness. Ø Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience. Ø I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car. Ø Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car. Ø The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list. Ø Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. Ø If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong. Ø We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public. Ø War does not determine who is right - only who is left. Ø Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad. Ø The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. Ø Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't. Ø To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research. Ø A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station. Ø How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire? Ø Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs. Ø Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish. Ø I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted pay checks. Ø A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it. Ø Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR". Ø I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you. Ø I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said "Implants?" Ø Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet? Ø Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy. Ø Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America ? Ø Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman. Ø A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. Ø You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice. Ø The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas! Ø Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back. Ø A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip. Ø Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were. Ø Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with. Ø I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot. Ø Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go. Ø There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away. Ø I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure. Ø I always take life with a grain of salt, plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila. Ø When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water. Ø You're never too old to learn something stupid. Ø To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target. Ø Nostalgia isn't what it used to be. Ø Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever. Ø A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it. Ø If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child? Ø Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine The best time to plant a tree was twenty years ago, the second best time is right now. JAQ |
||||
Greenbelt Guru  Joined: 11/01/2009 Location: United StatesPosts: 566 |
Good one's,!!! I like that Indecisive one, Case in point, Wasn't sure if I should reply to this Post Time has proven that I am blind to the Obvious, some of the above may be True? |
||||
| Barry T Coles Senior Member  Joined: 30/07/2009 Location: AustraliaPosts: 109 |
To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target. I'm sure this is the Motto of my company's Project Management Group. Cheers Barry I need to learn from the mistakes of others. I dont have the time to make them all myself. |
||||
| domwild Guru Joined: 16/12/2005 Location: AustraliaPosts: 873 |
Glenn, You are wrong! It is supposed to read: Behind every great man, there is a great woman. Behind every great woman, there is a great behind! If I only could remember all those witty bon mots, I could appear intelligent every time in civilised society! Taxation as a means of achieving prosperity is like a man standing inside a bucket trying to lift himself up. Winston Churchill |
||||
vasi Guru Joined: 23/03/2007 Location: RomaniaPosts: 1697 |
You are wrong too.  Behind a great women are a lot of teenagers! ... and a rich old man.
Hobbit name: Togo Toadfoot of Frogmorton Elvish name: Mablung Miriel Beyound Arduino Lang |
||||
 Print this page |
 |
The Back Shed's forum code is written, and hosted, in Australia. | © JAQ Software 2025 |
