"Did you always drink so much?"

"Noo I went eleven years straight without touching a drop"

"Really? So what happened?"

"I turned twelve" 🤣 😂

 

"I had to go six years without sex, alcohol, or drugs"

"And then?"

"...then I started school..."

Es gibt auch ein Wortspiel-Witz auf Deutsch (There's also a pun in German):
"Am Anfang war es Spaß und aus Spaß wurde Ernst. Ernst ist heute 7 Jahre alt.."

I'll try to translate it "reasonably well" into English:
"In the beginning it was fun, and out of fun resulted ernest. Ernest is now 7 years old.."
Edited 2026-04-13 03:14 by bfwolf

Everyone has to believe in something.  I believe I'll have another beer.

I have a Homer Simpson quote on my desk: "Beer....Now there's a temporary solution."

Homer quotes  

  Quote  

Trying is the first step toward failure.
Operator! Give me the number for 911!
If he’s so smart, how come he’s dead?
I never apologize. I’m sorry, but that’s the way I am.
Marge, you know it’s rude to talk when my mouth is full.
Stupidity got us into this mess, and stupidity will get us out.
If I could say a few words, I would be a better public speaker.
Kids, just because I don’t care doesn’t mean I’m not listening.
I’ll make the money by selling one of my livers. I can get by with one.
The problem in the world today is communication; too much communication.
It’s so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don’t say it.
I thought I had an appetite for destruction, but all I wanted was a club sandwich.
If God didn’t want me to eat chicken in church, then he would have made gluttony a sin.
I’ve learned that life is one crushing defeat after another until you just wish Flanders was dead.
Volunteering is for suckers. Did you know that volunteers don’t even get paid for the stuff they do?
Weaseling out of things is important to learn; it’s what separates us from the animals; except the weasel.
Kids are great. You can teach them to hate what you hate, and, with the Internet and all, they practically raise themselves.
Marge, try to understand. There are two types of college students, jocks and nerds. As a jock, it is my duty to give nerds a hard time.
I want to share something with you: The three little sentences that will get you through life. Number 1: Cover for me. Number 2: Oh, good idea, Boss! Number 3: It was like that when I got here.

My favourite Homer quote"

  Quote  

Doh!
A deer
A female deer

A guy see's a restaurant with an electronic theme so he decided to go in for a feed, electric components are hung up all around the place so he takes a seat and picks up the tablet to see the menu.

He decides to order a medium steak with microchips and when the waitress comes up she is in tears and takes the order.

10 minutes go past and still waiting.....

30 minutes go past and still waiting.....

An hour goes past now as the manager goes past he calls him over where he is in tears too and demands I now just waited an Hour and still no food so whats going on.

The manager thru tears saying sorry the servers are down

Two Intel Pentium designers go into a bar and one asked the bartender how much the beers are.  Bartender says five dollars.  Designer slaps a 10 on the bar and say "give me two and keep the change".

Four engineers in a car that suddenly breaks down:

Chemical Engineer: "That gas station looked a bit dodgy, I suspect that we got contaminated fuel. Let's drain the system and fill with fresh fuel.

Mechanical Engineer: "Pretty certain that I heard a clunk just before the engine died.I think we need to tear the engine apart."

Electrical Engineer: "I sensed a sudden loss of ignition. Let me have a look at the electronics."

Microsoft Engineer: "Guys, wait. Why don't we all just get out and get back in again."

Doctor: "Are you sexually active"

Patient: "I'm a bass player"

Doctor: "A simple 'no' would've been sufficient"